Trying not to be complicated.

Recently, I found a solution for my unexplainable sadness and disappointment.

I turn the sadness into anger.
I blame people, not myself.

Then the feeling will stays just for a while and it will disappear. Sebab for me, nak hilangkan kemarahan lebih mudah daripada hilangkan kesedihan.

And sometimes; it will be easier for me to forgive people than forgiving myself :(

Sorry my dear self. I'm being too hard on you 😭

Are you happy?

Think.

Kegembiraan kamu itu bagaimana bentuknya? Daripada aspek apakah kamu definisikan gembira itu?

When you look at others, have you ever want all those things they have? All those things they bear? All those things they do?

If the anwer is yes,

Lalu kemudian fikir, jika kau tanggung itu, kau lakukan itu, kau punya yang itu, yakin kau akan gembira?

You know you won't be happy.

You know deep inside, bukan itu yang kau mahu.
Kau mahu kerana kau lihat mereka gembira dengan semua itu. Kau juga mahu gembira. Sehingga terlupa, gembira kau dan dia itu datang berbeza bentuknya. Boleh jadi when you got those things, you won't be happy.

She talks. Dan kau sedih kerana kau tidak bercakap. Sedangkan kau pernah bercakap, and you hate it.
People looks at her. Dan kau sedih bila tidak dipandang. Sedangkan kau pernah dipandang, and you hate it.
She's always socialising with people. Dan kau sedih bila your circle is small. Sedangkan kau pernah berada di bulatan yang besar, and you hate it.
She's being needed. Dan kau sedih bila kau rasa tidak berfunction. Sedangkan kau pernah memikir, and you hate it.

Maka sudah-sudahlah.

Berhenti bersedih dan being affected dengan bentuk gembira orang lain.
Kamu, teruskan dengan gembira kamu.